Please consider helping a Veteran and Mom working her way out of Homelessness…

Consider helping a mom and Veteran just trying to hang on and come out of an abusive situation. Right now, she just wants help paying for storage that had been paid and now she is getting notices that her things (to help rebuild her life as well as treasured memories) will be auctioned off. Every little bit helps. Thank you for going and reading and considering helping. Even $5 helps. This is not a scam, I promise. This is me.

http://www.gofundme.com/nokjl0

My son, when he was age 4, and his sister, Audrey Grace. She was six days old in this picture, the day before she went in for neurosurgery. She was a full term, 5lb, Trisomy 18 baby.

I have NEVER liked asking for help… this is no exception. I have worked for three years to pull myself up by my bootstraps and overcome divorce and homelessness. I have been humbled to be helped along the way by friends and family and have managed to keep my head above water. I worked multiple part time jobs to make ends meet and went through a protracted period of unemployment that led to a full time job. It’s just within the last week or so that I realized that something my mom told me almost 20 years ago was true: I was abused. I am divorced from him now, but due to his control and lies in court, all of our custody is joint, but he is the primary custodian and he uses every trick he can to keep me from my son. He is a malignant narcissist. He is still abusing my son and myself. It’s not usually physical, but he is mentally, emotionally, and financially abusive. This is just the latest trick in his arsenal. He says he will no longer pay for the storage unit with my stuff in it. It’s most of the stuff from a 1600 sq ft house. In the storage unit are memories of my deceased daughter (Audrey Grace, who had full Trisomy 18), from my son’s childhood, my childhood, tangible memories of the mom/best friend I lost three years ago, things from my travels while in the United States Air Force and furniture I was trying to  hold onto so I wouldn’t have to find money to buy more later. My son and I are trying to downsize and sell our stuff, but I am afraid of it being auctioned off before we can do it…It has been a very difficult three and a half years. I’m finally paying for a place of my own. It’s not much, doesn’t even have a kitchen (but I have two burners and a big toaster oven) that I call my ‘kitchen.’ I want to get custody back and rescue my son. I have only in the last week or so realized how abused I have been for 20 years. It was a startling revelation, but an empowering one. I *will* get my son back and I *will* overcome the paranoid malignant narcissist’s control. Bug and I *will* be happily on our own. This is just one step.

Thank you so much for considering helping me. Bug and I are making plans to try to sell some of my furniture (thinking it might be cheaper to re-buy later than to store, although fronting the money for new furniture is daunting for someone in my situation), the lawn tractor (riding lawn mower), sort through our stuff and hopefully downsize the storage unit, so it costs less. I don’t even have money to afford a data plan for a phone and my car is about to die, but I know it will all work out in the end. If it’s not ok, it’s not the end!

UPDATE: I was informed this morning (3/9) that my 40 hour/week job will be 20 hours/week starting next Monday… I have no idea what I am going to do. I am praying for a miracle. Even if you can’t donate to help, would you please share my story and join me in praying a great opportunity comes along that could actually pay my bills? I am a hard worker who is determined to better my station in life and not only survive, but thrive. I want to show my son that with a little creative thinking, we can make it. Thank you so much.

Hey, Mom! Can’t Sleep? Read this…

Please, although children often fall asleep in the car, don’t try this if you are the one driving! LOL

Have you ever had one of those periods where you can’t sleep? It might go on for a week or more. You are slowly morphing into a zombie. Your speech might slur from the lack of sleep. You get clumsy. And there is NO reason that you can imagine for the insomnia! Maybe you are a little bit stressed, but it’s not like when the baby was waking you up every couple of hours… I have some ideas that might help. They have helped me immensely over the years. Remember, I am not a medical professional, I am just sharing what has worked for me over the years.

L-Tryptophan

When I was a teenager, I couldn’t sleep. Mom took me to some kind of “all natural doctor.” She’s no longer around for me to ask, but I’m thinking it was a Naturopath. He questioned me forever. I don’t remember blood being drawn, but they might have (it was a really long time ago). He recommended I take L-Tryptophan at least an hour before I wanted to sleep. Turns out, L-Tryptophan is an amino acid (it’s the stuff in turkey that makes you fall asleep on Thanksgiving). It improves your serotonin levels, which helps with melatonin levels, affecting your sleep. If you are deficient in it, you can experience problems falling asleep and even insomnia.

L-Theanine

After my daughter passed away, I didn’t have problems falling asleep, but I couldn’t sleep more than a couple of hours at a time. I woke up and simply couldn’t get back to sleep. I went to the health food store, intending to get L-Tryptophan. I spoke with someone there and she suggested I try L-Theanine instead. She commented that since I wasn’t having problems falling asleep, it was likely anxiety from having just gone through something traumatic. I got it on her recommendation and it worked! L-Theanine is another amino acid. This one is found in green tea, among other things. It is calming, can counteract the effects of caffeine (so great at bedtime!), and is documented to relieve anxiety and stress by improving alpha brain waves (Juneja et al. Trends in Food Science & Tech 1999;10;199-204).

Melatonin

Melatonin is a naturally occurring hormone made by your body for the express purpose of controlling your sleep and wake cycles. Light affects this production. Your body produces melatonin in late afternoon/evening and keeps the levels up all night, falling off by morning. When the days get shorter in winter, it confuses some people’s bodies. They produce the melatonin earlier or way later, often leading to Seasonal Affective Disorder. There are a couple of ways to get more melatonin. One is by simply increasing your exposure to sunlight during the day. A ten minute walk at lunch would be ideal. The other is to supplement.

Make it Dark

Conversely, make sure your room is extremely dark. Nail up blankets over the windows if you have to. Make sure you get outside in the middle of the day and get sunshine, as that will help reset your circadian rhythm. I went through a period where I couldn’t sleep much for about a month, before I discovered anything about supplements. Just going outside for a 10 minute walk at lunchtime reset my body’s understanding of day and night. Within a week I was sleeping normally. Seems that the sunshine on my non-sunblocked skin stimulated the production of melatonin and helped me sleep better! So, to keep your body from getting confused about day and night, block those windows.

Magnesium

Most of us in western culture are also severely deficient in Magnesium. Supplement. Magnesium is a muscle relaxer. Actually, it is vital in over 300 body functions. In super high doses, it is given to women in premature labor to stop contractions. Supplement with pills and dense Epsom salt baths. Think 1-2 lbs for a big soaking tub. Even Milk of Magnesia (a laxative) uses magnesium to relax muscles!  

Unplug

Turn off all electronics at least an hour before bed. They are mentally stimulating. You need to relax. Computers, cell phones, televisions all conspire to keep you wired. Turn them off. Better yet, keep them out of the bedroom. Keep the electromagnetic field out of your resting area.

Bedtime Routine

Establish a bedtime routine that signals your body that it’s time to sleep. Maybe it’s reading a book. Maybe it’s having a cup of non-caffeinated tea. Maybe it’s a long hot bubble bath. Maybe it’s all three together. Whatever it takes to relax you and signal your body that it’s time to sleep. It will be something you do every night. That, however, is not an immediate fix. It’s more along the lines of building a habit and training your body. It’s the same thing we all do with our kids at night.

Tense and Relax

Climb in bed. Breathe deeply for a few seconds. Hold it for about five seconds and release it in a controlled manner over several seconds. Also, my mom used to tell me to squeeze my toes tightly, then release them. Then tighten my calves and release them. Thighs, buns, tummy… working my way up systematically tightening and releasing your muscles to promote relaxation. I don’t think I ever made it to my neck. I was usually asleep by then. It’s called Progressive Relaxation and is actually a well-known technique.

Prayer

You might also try prayer. Praying before going to bed and laying your cares and concerns at the feet of someone else who can easily carry that load for you could help. Ask Him to give you a restful night.

L-Tryptophan, L-Theanine, Melatonin, and Magnesium are all available wherever vitamins are sold. Also, there are charts and lists easily discoverable on-line that can tell you which foods are high in each of these.

 

So, those are just a few examples of things you might be able to do, based on things that I have done, that might help you get to sleep and stay asleep. Try them if you need to. Let me know how they work for you. I’d love to hear!

Why I won’t let my son watch certain TV shows

Perhaps it sounds a bit weird, but I closely monitor what my son watches on TV when he’s with me. He is 14 now. I know parents who actually think that by the time a child is 14, parenting responsibilities are pretty much done and that it’s just about being a friend from then on. I disagree. I think our teenagers need us to be parents, perhaps even for a while after they are technically adults, although when they leave for college, they really need to know how to perform adult functions (laundry, cooking, basic car maintenance, balancing a checkbook, knowing what the heck a checkbook is, budgeting). Although at that point, most of the time they just need their parent’s for advice.

I was a single parent for the majority of my son’s childhood. His dad wasn’t around for various reasons. I knew he needed guidance. One way to guide was to watch what he observed, whether television, videos, books, or even youtube. Yes, I believe it is my responsibility to guard his heart and mind until he is mature enough to make responsible decisions on his own. He shows me on a regular basis in which areas he is gaining maturity and in which areas he needs work. I guide and guard for now.

There are some TV shows that are exceptionally popular. I am told that almost everyone watches the shows. Yet, I do not let him. Why? In our post-“Cosby Show” culture, there are certain shows, as a matter of fact, most shows, that present all men as incompetent idiots. The hunt for equal rights turned into “only women are smart and all men are idiots.” I do not agree with that assertation. I do not want my son’s lack of male parental influence to lead him to believe that because he is a man (or soon will be a man), that he must be ignorant. He is not. While he might be surrounded by lazy teenagers, he is neither ignorant nor an idiot. I have sought out male influences that show him that men are created to be strong, smart, funny… When he was a toddler and young child, I wouldn’t let him watch shows that were dumbed down or that showed children regularly being disrespectful. Remember, the basic rule of computers applies to life as well: Garbage in; Garbage out. When we did watch shows that had disrespectful children, I took it as a teachable moment and talked about how things might have been handled differently/better.

I also choose which video games I allow in the house. Once he turned 13, he wanted all the violent games. After all, he was a teenager, right? He might have attained the ripe old age of 13, but I was still in charge. We had to butt heads a few times until I got him to understand a little bit and see my side, as best as he could as a kid. Some games rated “teen,” I allowed earlier; some he still is not allowed to play. We have established rules for what is allowed and so far, he is following them, at least when he is with me. His father owns some of the more violent (M rated) games, but our son does not engage in them. Quite frankly, he has come to see them as almost childish in the need for blood and gore, if that makes sense. I tried to teach him that if you wouldn’t want to see it in real life, why would you want to see it on the screen?

For now, our system seems to be working. We still butt heads at times, but having established ourselves a respectful relationship from the beginning, I know my road has been easier than some. Until he is more mature or until he leaves home, I hope to continue to be able to guard his heart and mind and guide him towards what love and logic dictate.

If you have experiences along this line that you would like to share, I would love to read them in the comments!

Quick, Easy Chicken Cordon Blue (No pounding or rolling!)

Do you ever experiment with food? Make up your own recipes? I do.

Heaven help my son, but I do.

Sometimes, it can turn out great. Sometimes, notsomuch.

Last week, leftover chicken and ham inspired me to create an Easy, Lazy Chicken Cordon Bleu.

A what?

 

Check out this Recipe:

A cup or two of leftover cooked chicken and ham. Shred it, cube it, just make it little.

Make a basic Bechamel sauce. Sounds fancy doesn’t it? It’s not. Basically, equal parts oil and flour, add a corresponding number cups of cream, plus some garlic, salt and pepper.

So, two tablespoons butter, let it foam, add two tablespoons flour and cook for a min or two to cook out the raw flour taste, add two cups cream and whisk until the lumps disappear and the sauce starts to thicken. I love to add garlic at this point. I just grate in a clove or two. You can finely mince if you don’t have a handheld grater. Then, add about 1/4 – 1/3 cup of cheese. Salt and pepper to suit your tastes. I love lots of pepper in my cheese sauces. Parmesan will turn this into an alfredo sauce. I chose swiss. Why? Because Chicken Cordon Bleu is usually made with swiss cheese, of course. The sauce is pretty much done at this point. Add the meat and heat through. If you really need the breadcrumbs associated with the rolled Cordon Bleu experience, you can put the sauce and meat in a casserole dish, sprinkle with seasoned bread crumbs and bake until it’s heated through. Probably 20-25 min in a 350* oven. I’m not sure on the timing of that. We were hungry and just did it in a skillet. This is really good over pasta, but can definitely be eaten alone. We added some quick cooking frozen peas to the side and called it a meal.

 

Official Looking RECIPE:

1-2 C precooked Ham and Chicken, shredded or cubed

2 T Butter

2 T Flour

2 C Cream

2 Cloves Garlic, minced or grated (more or less to suite your tastes)

1/4 C Cheese (swiss is the go-to here, but you can be creative), grated

Salt and Pepper to taste

 

Over medium heat, heat butter to foaming.

Add flour and stir.

Cook a minute or two, until the flour is absorbed and the raw flour smell is gone.

Add cream. Whisk until mixture is smooth.

Add garlic to taste.

Add cheese. Cook until melted.

Add meat. Heat through.

Salt and Pepper to taste.

Serve or put in oven safe dish, add bread crumbs, and cook until heated through and then serve.

 

I got two thumbs up and a wide-eyed, “This is great” from my teenaged son. I’ll take that reaction for something I came up with on the fly…

Basically, over the years I have learned to be my own chef and make up things as I go along. Sometimes, it turns out great, like this one. Sometimes, I have to laugh and apologize to my son for forcing such atrocities upon him. I am thankful he is a good sport. He has learned to eat and not complain. When he was little, while I tried to fix things I thought he would like, I didn’t dumb down his food. I served him real food, not child food. It kept his mind relatively open. He still doesn’t like pickles or peanut butter, but I’m working on him!

If you try this recipe, let me know how it turned out. I’d love to hear.