Loving, logical consequences and teachable moments

This past Sunday, I was talking with a young mom. She has a vivacious, energetic, on-the-go toddler with a strong personality. Yet, he is a generally loving child. He was playing with a cousin who is an infant: sitting up, but not yet mobile. Her son walked over and put his heel next to the infant’s hand and slowly, deliberately stepped on his cousin’s hand.

She was beside herself trying to figure out what would make her child do something like this and honestly, so was I. She told me the story and from the time I have spent with her son, I just couldn’t understand. It took some time to process it and figure out how I would have handled it.

First of all, I would have snatched him away from the infant. No doubt there, right? Tell him, “No! We don’t do that. We don’t hurt people!” Then I would have tried to figure out what was going on. Kids don’t usually act outside of their normal behavior patterns without a reason. I think I have figured it out.

This toddler is smart. He is right about 24 months or so. He already knows all of his letters. He isn’t reading yet, but he knows his letters and can point them out. He knows his colors (ok, aubergine and puce might not be on his radar yet, but the biggies are definitely recognized). He is also a very curious child. He thinks outside of the box… and I believe he was experimenting. I believe he wanted to find out what would be the result of his actions. Perhaps he was wondering if it hurt?

My advice to be loving and logical: ask him why he did it. If he cannot articulate, ask him if he was curious. Ask him if he wondered if it would hurt. Be nonjudgmental. If he was curious, offer to help him figure it out. Have him put his hand flat on the floor. Put your heel next to his hand, “is this what you did to your cousin?” Then very gently and slowly (absolutely do not stomp. Do Not crush his hand. Just apply pressure), bring your toes towards the floor until he yelps, says “ow,” or his eyes bug out. At that point, immediately remove your foot and get down on the floor with him. Rub his little fingers. Kiss them. Ask him if it hurt. When he says it did, you have your moment.

“Do you think it hurt your baby cousin when you did this to him?” Wait for him to respond. When he thinks about it and says, “yes,” you can proceed gently.

“Do you like being hurt?” Wait for the response of “no.”

“Do you think your cousin likes to be hurt?” “No”

“We don’t want to hurt people, do we?” “No.”

“So let’s not step on people’s fingers or toes or any other body part anymore, ok?”

“ok.”

“If you do this again, the consequences will be…. (fill in the blank with what works for your child)”

If it happens again, ask “do you remember what I said would happen if you did this again?” And then follow through on the stated consequence.

I had a pretty mellow little man. This would have worked with him and is how I usually handled things. When he wanted to go outside barefoot when it was 40* out there, I let him. He was back inside pretty quickly and we never had that argument again. Logical consequences. It also taught him that Mom just might know more than he did. Today, he is a loving, caring young man. Even on the football field, after a rough play, I have seen him pat the shoulder of someone feeling frustrated. Of course, the sarcastic sense of humor balances everything out, so he doesn’t look too soft!

When our children are so very little, we have a wonderful opportunity to help them get in the habit of thinking through to the consequences of their actions. It takes longer in the short terms, but the long term benefits are many. As the parents, we have to get behind their actions to the reason for those actions. We have to stop just reacting to what we see. Stop treating the symptoms and search for the cause. Are they tired or hungry or feeling neglected? Do they need lap or nap time? Do they think that the only time they get our attention is when they misbehave? Are they jealous or frustrated? Can we break things down to their level for them so they can see? I think the little man in this post could grasp on a very basic level that what he did hurt his cousin and understand that it would hurt the next time… and that next time there would be consequences.

We need to get to their hearts and minds. We need to teach them not just how to respond to our reactions, but to think ahead to the possible consequences of their own actions all by themselves. Does my teenager always do this? Nope. But I think he probably does so more than most of his friends and since he still has the safety net of home, I am pretty happy with that.

How to make homemade broth!

With so many people getting sick this time of year, I thought I would share:

Did you know that broth made from leftover bones (chicken, beef, ham, lamb, turkey, anything really) is INCREDIBLY nourishing and truly healing?

Not to mention that it’s super cheap, since you are using what you probably would have just thrown away?

You know when you bake your chicken on the bone and there is that gel stuff at the bottom of the pan? That’s the good stuff! Who knew? That gelatin is the healing part of “chicken soup.” It is easier for most people to keep this broth down than water and since sugar suppresses the immune system, it’s better for your sickly person than even clear sodas.

And it is super EASY to make!

Why should I make homemade bone broth? Isn’t the stuff in the box or can just as good? Nope. That stuff has been super heated and all the good stuff broken down. It contains preservatives and flavorings. Check the label. You might be shocked. Of course, it’s best if the bones are from grass fed and finished and completely free-range animals, but for those of us who can’t quite afford that just yet, you can still make awesome, nourishing broth. See, as Sally Fallon of the Weston A. Price Foundation explained: “Stock contains minerals in a form the body can absorb easily—not just calcium but also magnesium, phosphorus, silicon, sulfur and trace minerals. It contains the broken down material from cartilage and tendons–stuff like chondroitin sulphates and glucosamine, now sold as expensive supplements for arthritis and joint pain.” It is incredibly easy on the stomach and contains the naturally occurring amino acid called cysteine, which can thin the mucus in your lungs and make it less sticky so you can expel it more easily. Processed, canned soups will not work as well as the homemade version made from slow-cooked bone broth.

I encourage my readers to research. Look up stuff. At the very least, follow my lead and try this. If you don’t think you can drink straight broth, make noodle soup, use it instead of water to cook rice, use it as a base for chili or vegetable soup, for starters. In almost any cooking application where you would use water, you can use broth… even in gravies (although you might want to wait until everyone is feeling better for that one).

* * * * * * *

I made two batches of broth today. One was from leftover rib bones with hardly any meat on the bones and one batch was from turkey necks I found at the grocery store. Necks, joints, even feet are super high in restorative, curative powers!

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After straining the “rib broth”

 Ready to cool before going in the freezer

After straining the turkey neck broth and picking the bones clean!

The wonderful, tender, flavorful meat from the turkey necks

Making broth is an easy thing to do and so good for you and your family. It is not really time consuming. The stove (or crock pot) does all the work for you. You just throw everything in and wait for it to finish!

* I always use a good quality sea salt.

* I sometimes simmer just bones, an acid (any kind of vinegar, citrus juice…), salt and enough water to cover the bones by a couple of inches.

* Sometimes I add herbs that compliment the stock I’m making. Sage can be added to a turkey broth. Thyme or Oregano to chicken. Onions, Garlic, Celery, Carrots, Bell Peppers can all be added to flavor your broth, if you choose. Don’t use garlic powder or garlic salt or celery salt type stuff. Use the real deal for honest nutrition. Just remember:  however you want your base to taste is completely up to you.

* Bring the water, bones, acid, and whatever else you choose to add to a boil and then immediately reduce to a low simmer and leave it there. If there is meat on the bones that you want to “harvest,” don’t let it go for too long. You will have to remove and cool the bones and meat, pull the meat off, and then put the bones back into the stock you have already started just by poaching your meat. Chicken bones need at least two hours (I like mine after about six or eight hours). Heavy bones like beef or pork, I like to cook over night or more, sometimes 12 hours. Although I do know some people who keep a crock pot going all the time and just throw whatever bones they have from whichever meal into the continuous brew. I personally like my flavors separate.

* If you want a more yellow appearance (like the kids might be used to seeing), add some turmeric!

* If a “scum” rises to the top, just skim it off. No harm, no foul.

* Isn’t that easy?

 

Why don’t you try your hand at making broth and let me know how it turns out?

7 Cleaning LifeHacks

In desperate need of a job, any job, I find myself in the business of cleaning. Cleaning has never been something I enjoy, so I try to get it done as quickly and efficiently as possible. That way, I can enjoy the fruits of my labor. Can I tell you something? From day one at this job, I stand amazed at the number of people who do not understand what my mom taught me from a young age. The things that I thought were common sense are far from common. I would like to share some of what I thought was common knowledge, but apparently is not.

General Cleaning

1) Clean from the top down. Start with the ceiling fan. Move to the tops of window casings and tops of book cases. Work from top to bottom. Spider webs in the corners come first and make sure you vacuum/sweep/mop last. See, there is this little thing with which we must contend on a regular basis. It’s called gravity. Stuff falls down, not up. If you clean the ceiling fan after changing the bedding or vacuuming, the dirt falls all over the surfaces you just cleaned . You then must spend time repeating portions of your cleaning. It is not efficient. It takes too long and quite frankly, it annoys me. I hate having to repeat things I just finished!

Bathroom

2) Clean the sink LAST. Again, start at the top (with one exception: sweep first, it is much easier to sweep up dirt tracked in or tiny bits of toilet paper the kids were playing with in their spare time if it hasn’t been wet by other bathroom cleaning). Tops of light fixtures before floor. Shower head and shower walls, before the inside of the tub. Why? Chances are good you will be standing in the tub and you don’t want to get it dirty again or worse, fall because it’s still slippery. Top of toilet before the pedestal. Top of toilet seat before the  underside of the seat. You don’t want to end up sitting in whatever was on the bottom of the seat after it’s schmeared all over the top if you do it the other way around. Almost there. Then mop, using the sink instead of a bucket (why wash an extra item?). Then, clean the sink. Actually, I have found that doing the mirror last means that some of the cleaner drifts on the fixtures. If it bothers you, do the mirror before the sink. I just use my paper towel or microfiber cloth and give the sink fixtures one last polish as I wipe them off. They look shinier to me when I do that, but it might just be my imagination…

Kitchen

3) Dishes: the dishwasher is loaded every night at a minimum. There’s just two of us (0ne is a teenaged boy), so sometimes this does not fill the machine. That’s ok. We just run it when it gets full. We try to unload the dishwasher every morning (or every morning after we have run it), so it is always ready for rinsed dishes to be placed inside. When you don’t run the dishwasher every day, stuff tends to stick if they aren’t rinsed first. My tip when making dinner is to fill the sink with the hottest water your tap can dish out. As you finish using an item (knife, pan, spoon, bowl), just plop it in the sink. When you are done eating and are ready to tackle the dishes, they are practically clean! The water will probably tepid by then. You can refill the sink with hot, soapy water and wash them quickly by hand or just put them in the dishwasher. If washing dishes by hand, a couple of tips: use the hottest water you can stand (they will air dry faster, too, if you use hot water) and do glasses first, plates and silverware next, pots and pans last. Why? Two reasons, really. One is that the dish drainer stays balanced that way. Seriously! If you wash all the silverware first, the little drainer is highly likely to tumble over. Then, the plates and glasses fit where the drainer designer intended and it actually makes it easier to stack the pots and pans and plastic containers on top! The second is that doing the dishes in that order means the greasiest dishes are washed last. Wash the chicken fryer pan first and you must redouble your efforts in further cleaning.  **Bonus tip: use white sugar with a smidge of liquid soap, add a little water, and scrub dry skin from your hands. Rinse, then slather with your favorite lotion and put on rubber gloves. The heat from the water will keep your pores open and your hands will be amazingly soft when you are done doing the dishes.**

4) Go ahead and wipe up the spills as they happen. Kids aren’t great at remembering this one. My mom used to joke that she knew it was time to mop the kitchen when the cats stuck to the floor. As a kid, I never noticed it was sticky. Something I learned a long time ago is that if it will take less than 30 seconds to do it, just do it now. So, when the spaghetti sauce does its little volcano thing and splatters all over, just wipe it up while it is still wet. It takes so much more effort to clean once it has dried. If you don’t have a little furry vacuum cleaner (aka: a dog), wipe up any floor spills quickly and then you don’t have it hanging over your head on your “to do” list.

5) Do food prep with the trash can (or trash bowl) right next to you. It is so much easier to just flick your hand and thow it away rather than trying to gather it all up after it has piled up!

6) Microwave: boil water in a microwave safe cup for several minutes (maybe 3-5). Let it sit for a couple more. Remove the cup with a pot holder and you will find that the steam, all by itself, has loosened anything that exploded onto the top of the microwave or spilled/boiled over. Cleaning is a chemical-free breeze this way. No more scrubbing. If you actually find that something is still stuck, repeat the process and let sit a while longer.

7) Mom had to explain to me (repeatedly) when I was growing up that cleaning the kitchen after meals didn’t mean just taking care of the dishes. It meant wiping the stove, range hood, and counters, too, as well as sweeping if necessary. Counters first, hood next, then the stove, since the stove is probably greasier (refer back to rule #3). Sweep last (refer to rule #1). You don’t need anything other than dish soap and hot water to clean your counters and stove top. I choose Dawn. It really does “take grease out of your way.” Rinse the sponge/scrubby often. If you have granite counter tops, believe it or not, most of them are sealed at the factory and the seal should be good for around 15 years before it needs to be resealed. You really don’t need all the fancy cleaners. Sometimes, the tops of glass/ceramic stoves can get pretty gunky. Use a cleaner specifically designed for them (looks like “soft scrub” but isn’t) and scrape then with a fresh, clean razor blade, available at your local discount store with the paint stuff. It honestly works and will not scratch the surface if you use a new blade.

This is not all of my brilliant wisdom, but it is enough to get you started on saving time and effort while cleaning.

What are your tips for cleaning faster, better, and more efficiently? Please leave a comment and share. I would love to learn how to get my cleaning done faster!

 

Why I Love Spring!

I am a photographer. I love spring. Let me share why:

               

 

These pictures are all mine. All taken this spring and with absolutely NO image processing. I love the brightness and the colors and the emerging warmth after a long winter!

 

Rest in Peace, Maya Angelou

Born in 1928 into a welfare family, she climbed out of the despair of abuse and accomplished much in her life before being awarded the  Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2008. Her eyes saw life from poverty to wealth, from abuse to fame, from silence to having a world who craved her honest, open sharing of life. She worked as a fry cook, a prostitute, a night club dancer, an actress, a journalist. She was active in the civil rights movement working with both Martin Luther King, Jr and Malcom X. She taught at Wake Forest University. She recited her own work, a poem entitled “On the Pulse of Morning” at President Bill Clinton’s inauguration.

While she certainly has her detractors, no one can say that she didn’t pull herself up by her bootstraps and make a life for herself. Some people have tried to have her works banned in their local libraries. Whether or not all of her autobiography is factually true, it was true in her mind. She shared her life as she remembered it.

I know she is a somewhat controversial subject. Well mannered women rarely make history. While I might not agree with everything she wrote, I admire her strength and courage. I admire her ability to share the pain she endured. By women like Maya sharing the most difficult times in their lives, we can perhaps all see our way clear to better days.

Your voice will be missed. Rest in Peace, Maya.