Please consider helping a Veteran and Mom working her way out of Homelessness…

Consider helping a mom and Veteran just trying to hang on and come out of an abusive situation. Right now, she just wants help paying for storage that had been paid and now she is getting notices that her things (to help rebuild her life as well as treasured memories) will be auctioned off. Every little bit helps. Thank you for going and reading and considering helping. Even $5 helps. This is not a scam, I promise. This is me.

http://www.gofundme.com/nokjl0

My son, when he was age 4, and his sister, Audrey Grace. She was six days old in this picture, the day before she went in for neurosurgery. She was a full term, 5lb, Trisomy 18 baby.

I have NEVER liked asking for help… this is no exception. I have worked for three years to pull myself up by my bootstraps and overcome divorce and homelessness. I have been humbled to be helped along the way by friends and family and have managed to keep my head above water. I worked multiple part time jobs to make ends meet and went through a protracted period of unemployment that led to a full time job. It’s just within the last week or so that I realized that something my mom told me almost 20 years ago was true: I was abused. I am divorced from him now, but due to his control and lies in court, all of our custody is joint, but he is the primary custodian and he uses every trick he can to keep me from my son. He is a malignant narcissist. He is still abusing my son and myself. It’s not usually physical, but he is mentally, emotionally, and financially abusive. This is just the latest trick in his arsenal. He says he will no longer pay for the storage unit with my stuff in it. It’s most of the stuff from a 1600 sq ft house. In the storage unit are memories of my deceased daughter (Audrey Grace, who had full Trisomy 18), from my son’s childhood, my childhood, tangible memories of the mom/best friend I lost three years ago, things from my travels while in the United States Air Force and furniture I was trying to  hold onto so I wouldn’t have to find money to buy more later. My son and I are trying to downsize and sell our stuff, but I am afraid of it being auctioned off before we can do it…It has been a very difficult three and a half years. I’m finally paying for a place of my own. It’s not much, doesn’t even have a kitchen (but I have two burners and a big toaster oven) that I call my ‘kitchen.’ I want to get custody back and rescue my son. I have only in the last week or so realized how abused I have been for 20 years. It was a startling revelation, but an empowering one. I *will* get my son back and I *will* overcome the paranoid malignant narcissist’s control. Bug and I *will* be happily on our own. This is just one step.

Thank you so much for considering helping me. Bug and I are making plans to try to sell some of my furniture (thinking it might be cheaper to re-buy later than to store, although fronting the money for new furniture is daunting for someone in my situation), the lawn tractor (riding lawn mower), sort through our stuff and hopefully downsize the storage unit, so it costs less. I don’t even have money to afford a data plan for a phone and my car is about to die, but I know it will all work out in the end. If it’s not ok, it’s not the end!

UPDATE: I was informed this morning (3/9) that my 40 hour/week job will be 20 hours/week starting next Monday… I have no idea what I am going to do. I am praying for a miracle. Even if you can’t donate to help, would you please share my story and join me in praying a great opportunity comes along that could actually pay my bills? I am a hard worker who is determined to better my station in life and not only survive, but thrive. I want to show my son that with a little creative thinking, we can make it. Thank you so much.

Taking a break from Grief

My little morning angel

 

When I was looking for a “Throwback Thursday” picture for Instagram this morning, I happened upon this photo of my son. I remember the day this was taken just like it was yesterday.

This was taken one year to the day after my baby girl, Audrey Grace, left us for Heaven. My sweetheart died in my arms on the evening of May 8 at 11:20pm, with that little man up there by my side. He absolutely wailed when he found out his baby sister had gone to live with Jesus. It reverberated throughout the PICU. At that moment, my entire focus switched to him. My daughter was gone. She was no longer struggling with a body that didn’t work properly. She no longer needed supplemental oxygen. She was happy, healthy, and whole. She was unencumbered. My little boy, however, needed me. He needed my love and support and distraction. If I hadn’t had him, I don’t know how I would have survived the death of my child. Even when you know it is coming, as in the case of a child with Trisomy 18, it is a shock. It still hurts. It still debilitates you. You still question. You still struggle. This little guy needed me and that was what helped me through.

May 8th of the next year fell on Mother’s Day. We are normally in church on Sundays. We had an awesome church family that supported us with love and prayers during her whole life and her death and our grieving. But I knew that Mother’s Day Sunday would be exceptionally difficult. We chose to purchase/donate the flower arrangement for the altar and have it delivered to the church in her memory. I kept my son home and just had a lazy day.

We stayed in our jammies most of the day. We played bottle caps (stand the plastic bottle cap on its side, put your finger on the top, parallel to the opening, and press hard, pulling your finger towards you as you do so. The cap goes flying off). We sat at tv trays in the living room and went for distance. We shot them at each other. We ate junk. We made nests on the floor with blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals. We snuggled as we watched silly movies and kid’s shows. We chose to just enjoy the day.

To be honest, he was only five. I’m not sure if he realized it was Mother’s Day or not. I am pretty sure we talked about Audrey. We did most days. That day, I chose not to wallow in my grief, but to embrace the child that needed me as much as I needed him. We had fun. We made some memories at a time when we so desperately needed it.

I am not sure when it happened for him, but I know it took me about 18 months after losing her before I realized that I was having more good days than bad days. Losing a child is never easy. I am thankful I had someone to take care of, which allowed my mind a break from the grief.

You know, my baby girl has been gone ten years now. There are still times when it takes my breath away and I can’t believe I never got to see her grow up or that I will never hold her again. That little boy in the picture up there is now in high school, hanging out with his friends, a lineman on the football team, a member of the drama troop, a player of Minecraft, going to the pool, riding his bike all over… still needing his mom, though he doesn’t often admit it. We have made it through a lot in life together. He has seen more and had to deal with more than a lot of kids his age. It has made him tenderhearted. I am thankful for that. And I am thankful for the days we chose joy and chose to enjoy the little things in life. That picture is my memory of one of those days.